She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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