He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
