You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
