3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
