There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
