3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
