The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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