Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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