that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
