so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
