More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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