i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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