Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
