...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
