so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
