Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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