Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize