If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
