Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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