is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You ruined the universe
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
