first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
