just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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