When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
