Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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