I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
