I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
