You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
