why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize