can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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