not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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