are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
