I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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