can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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