Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
