When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize