There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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