The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
