Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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