can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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