It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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