why didn't you poke me back
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
