You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize