first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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