SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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