Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How does it feel to date your dad?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
