I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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