i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
