if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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