Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
