Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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