ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
