which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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