she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
