i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
