Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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