he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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