she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
