you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am one with the molecules
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
