Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
