I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
