I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
