I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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