Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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