..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
