I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
