Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
