I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
