he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
