Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
