I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
