i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
