I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
