I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every concussion has its silver lining
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
