This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
