the day after is always just damage control
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
