The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
