How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
