i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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