I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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