How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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