Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
