You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
