Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it's like iHOP with fire
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
