You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
