I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
