okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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