I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
