i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
