that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
