Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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