feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
